i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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