I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
not ubering you a puppy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
