the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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