i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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