So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
