so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
