Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
