I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
