well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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