i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
