Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
