dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
