I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
