I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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