I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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