I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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