a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
