if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
where are my eyebrows?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
