Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
