so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
