Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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