Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
