Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
