He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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