You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
