So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize