Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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