after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am spending my child support on dildos
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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