Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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