thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just cropdusted the office
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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