I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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