She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
