You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
