I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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