I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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