i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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