So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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