you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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