thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
