Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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