She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
