Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
