I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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