Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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