You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
