I heard we made out
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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