Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
