I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
