My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
