I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
