Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
MIDGETS
????
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
