left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
