Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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