Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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