is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
