Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
