she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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