I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
