He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
