I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just puked most of my soul out..
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