Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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