A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
