Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
