is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
