Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
