Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
