ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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