i already hear my dad disowning me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
