so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
